Menfolk Journeys
This podcast explores how different men from all walks of life wear the beautiful and confusing mantle of manhood.
Men can be knuckleheads in public life. But in private, if given the right questions and if they feel comfortable, men can also be thoughtful, reflective, and have deep conversations about their lives, big questions, and meaningful ideas.
We have great conversations with men just like us and from all walks of life, so we can learn from their personal stories and all get better together.
Menfolk Journeys
41. Mike and Learning To Love Yourself
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
When you have dyslexia, not only can you be challenged by reading, but you can also become beset with anxiety, feelings of being stupid, and all of the embarrassment that comes with those years.
And, when you know you're smart, imagine how frustrating that must be.
Mike Wood lived that childhood, and had negative imprints imposed on him while he was growing up.
But, he learned, later in life, how to unpack, label, and rewrite those negative imprints. He practiced meditation, learned how to tap into his own energy chakras to create a freedom of living.
He learned how to tap into The Flow, The Universe, whatever you want to call it. And it's made all the difference in his - and his son's - life.
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SPEAKER_00We're putting on a persona of what we think the world wants to get what we want. It's only really true to be loved and loved unconditionally, which is rare for a man. There's so many conditions on a man. Like you gotta have a job, you gotta, you get you can't get you can't be too soft, but you gotta be tough. You know, you gotta you gotta just be all this dynam this whole dynamic of all these things that they're bullshit. Like a true man, in my opinion, is capable of identifying his his feelings, you know, and most men are are are able to do that. I truly believe they are. They just don't know what to do with it.
SPEAKER_02Welcome in to Menfolk Journeys, the podcast of Great Conversations with Men. I'm your host, Chris Foster, and we're going to explore how we wear this beautiful and confusing mantle of manhood in the 21st century. Look, I get it. In public life, a lot of men are knuckleheads. But in private life, we can be thoughtful and we can be reflective if we have the right conversation, if we feel comfortable talking about our story. And we all have a great story to tell. And we can all learn from those stories. We can learn about who we've been, who we are, and who we want to be. And that's why we're gonna have this conversation so we can learn from other men just like us. And in this episode, we're gonna have a conversation with my new friend Mike Wood. What do you say about a man who is able to meditate and deeply understand and unpack his previous imprints, the things that he learned when he was younger that didn't serve him well, and he needed to move on so that he could serve himself much better and serve his son even more. It's a marvelous yet with a marvelous man.
SPEAKER_01Welcome in to Menfolk Journeys. So, Mike Wood, welcome in. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_02So tell us a little bit about yourself.
SPEAKER_00Well, I uh married, uh six kids, have uh wonderful family. Um I'm the COO of Jarrett Companies and uh the founder of Learn to Love Being You. And uh pretty much wraps it up real quick.
SPEAKER_02Well, uh, you know, you're a CEO of uh of a construction company, and in your um in the conversation guide that that you worked on, you mentioned that you struggled with dyslexia as you were a youngster. Um, but professionally you're you know a triumph in the industry, which is fantastic. So I guess one question that I would have for you is did you think or do you think that having dyslexia kind of prepared your mind for a different way of thinking or a different way of moving throughout the world and maybe one reason why you went into construction?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, um, all those reasons they fit, they uh they fit together really well. You know, I I truly believe now that it with every curse, there's a blessing. Um, and I think dyslexia was a part of my journey. And uh, you know, I struggled and did manual labor into my late, late 20s, early 30s, and uh, but I always knew I was smart. I could do math in my head, I could solve problems, but I couldn't read past the second grade level at 25 years old. So I really put in a lot of work when I was around 25 years old and got my reading level up a little bit to where I wasn't so embarrassed. Um and uh I found a job where I was able to get into the office and become an estimator, became an asphalt estimator. I went from the field into the office as an asphalt estimator, and uh I struggled because of this dyslexia and reading comprehension, and I still do sometimes, but there's the other side that's a been a gift. I I can solve problems. I've been very, very uh astute at just understanding math in my head. I could do math in my head since I was, you know, three years old.
SPEAKER_02So isn't that an interesting thing about the brain, Mike, that it's one of these curious things where language is a challenge, but math is easy. I I I can do math by a calculator. That's how I can do math. I can do math by an Excel formula. Um, you know, but it's interesting, you just mentioned uh, I think a really insightful um idea where you said you could read to the level where you weren't embarrassed, like you knew you were smart, but there's the embarrassment. I I can believe that these challenges of forming words and mixing letters and stuff, you know, created some uh doubt and anxiety, and maybe like you were behind, especially when you're vulnerable years. But did you have conversations with friends and family where they knew it was like Mike's really smart? Like he's on it, he's super bright, he just has challenge reading. Were those conversations easy to have and were they open?
SPEAKER_00No, no, it was all hidden behind the scenes. I I got like I said, I was very good at solving problems. So I would I would do all my homework. I was a hard worker, I do all my homework and pat and get you know decent things, and I would fail every test and I would end up with C's and D's and I got through. I was able to get through school and no help. You know, I I think I had a fifth grade teacher who acknowledged uh because she realized that I was failing tests when she she seen how hard I was working. Um but it Mrs. Applepee, I'll never forget her, but she pulled me to the side and she read the test to me, and I went from a from a failing grade to a A- and she was celebrating me, like almost in front of the class. And it was like the first time for me that somebody acknowledged the fact that I was smart, but for the most part, I just hid in class. I was afraid to get called on reading, and um, it left a lot of uh core beliefs that were extremely negative, and it it hindered me for a long time.
SPEAKER_02Um so yay to Mrs. Appleby. Thank you, Mrs. Appleby, for recognizing that. I I'm a bit surprised and bummed that it took until your fifth grade, that's a lot of years to feel that embarrassment.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and even then, you know, she didn't know what to do. You know, I I I had a rare form of dyslexia, and she wasn't trained to be able to teach me. She made me feel good about myself and uh acknowledged it, but I I wasn't able to improve my reading, you know. It the the reading level stayed where it was through through high school.
SPEAKER_02Were you were your parents aware? Could they did this something that they were figuring out? Or did you have conversations with them?
SPEAKER_00You know, it just it was just hidden. It just remained hidden. You know, I was kind of my my dad left when I was uh one, one and a half, and you know, my mom struggled to raise three kids. She was, you know, uh, we were on government assistance in uh in LA, well LA County, Lancaster and Palmdale, um, and that town was in a bit of a recession and there wasn't a lot of work there. Um, but she just did her best she could. Um, and you know, my grades were coming home with C's, you know, the math. I was getting A's and B's, you know. So I was able to get through enough to where, you know, at that time, uh I was just kind of squeaked by.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, and for her, probably like you getting C's in English was the last of her worries. Like there were so many other things to manage. He's like, okay, you're still in school, okay, you're going to school every day, not a problem, you're fine. Um, but it's interesting to me where you you say you're a hard worker, which I completely believe. Did you then have to work hard to re-establish a positive belief about yourself where you knew you were smart, but suddenly all these public signals were telling you that you weren't?
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was in my head, to be honest, those core beliefs when I was a kid that that I was dumb, less than they stuck with me, you know, and the way I understand the mind is that that happened in the present moment, and it's always the present moment. And those they they just stick with me. And it's it's one of the the reasons that I created my Learn to Love Being You program is because I learned how to go back to those core beliefs and rewrite them, reframe them with compassion, love, and forgiveness for the the my kindergarten teacher who got frustrated because I couldn't spell Michael, and she changed my she said she got frustrated, and I realized that she was frustrated. The other kids were all spelling their name, and that was the first time I realized that I couldn't go at the same pace as other people, but I could spell Mike. And at that point, I became I went from being Michael to Mike, and I'm still Mike today and proud of it now, but that moment left a sc left a scar. And for from that moment on, I had the constant uh barrage of thoughts that I was less than, I wasn't as smart as everybody. And I was able to, when I was 48 years old, four years ago, five years ago, go back and rewrite that that entire experience. Re-forgive my teacher because she didn't understand what she was doing, forgive the other teacher kids for laughing, and forgive myself for feeling that way. Reframe that entire thing with compassion, love, and forgiveness, and all of a sudden that didn't haunt me anymore. Wow.
SPEAKER_02You know, that is I think that is awesome that you were able you were able to rewrite that mental pathway so that it didn't haunt you. That's really powerful.
SPEAKER_00It is. It's uh it it's amazing to me that most people don't know anything about this. You know, I I've probably rewritten 170, 180 of them. For a long time I was logging them and I stopped logging them a while ago, but I'm pushing close to 200 that I've when you mean them. So what do you log in? Old core beliefs that were created. You know, the the way that you know, you think about a young kid, how many times we get in an emotional state, right? That's what opens up the subconscious mind, and a clear intention is what programs it. So when I was in kindergarten and I couldn't spell like everybody else, and the teacher was trying to get me to write my name, I got into an elevated emotional state when she got frustrated at me. That opened up my subconscious mind to where it could be programmed, and then I it got the clear intention is what gets programmed in it. So I was left feeling less than, stupid, not smart. That's what the program was. So it happened in the present moment, and it's always the present moment. The subconscious mind has no concept of time, so we just live with these programs until we go back and change them. And most people don't realize that you can go back and change, so you just live with it, and we all stuff it down and we don't know why we're miserable, and but these are the things that are haunting us. And so when I say I've rewritten 170 of these old core beliefs, that's what I've gone back and rewrote. Is I searched them out, all the other things that happened and reframed them all with love, compassion, and forgiveness, and what I'd say move them out of the fear bucket, put them in the love bucket, and my subconscious mind doesn't need to protect me from that stuff anymore. And now I could just move on with happy, free loving thoughts.
SPEAKER_02That is um, you know, it's such a testament to a how you think again to the your cognitive ability, and B, the the power of the mind to not only trick itself, but to rework itself if you if you if you if you think about how you think about it, right? Um the and what's interesting to me, Mike, is that with again it goes back to your work ethic, you had the diligence to kind of write down all these core beliefs that were unhelpful, that were um blocking you from being the the the fullest, most extent person that you could be. Um, what were some of those what were some of those beliefs? Can you give us some examples?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. I can go on and on. So uh, you know, one of the ones that's really powerful and you know, it's kind of personal, but I don't mind sharing it with you. You know, for the longest time, I've been married for 22 years. Me and my wife just celebrated our 22nd anniversary. Congratulations. Well done. But you know, with any marriage, it's difficult. You got your ups and downs and whatever. And we've we're not really fighters. I I don't really pick fights and whatever, but occasionally you might have one, right? So we're about five years into our relationship, and there's alcohol involved, and we're in a weird situation, and it turns into an argument. And it got elevated, and my first response was, I'm gonna leave. I love this woman, she's like my best friend. I I didn't want to leave. I woke up the next morning when I was calm. I didn't want to leave. I don't even know why I said that. It turns out I over 22 years, we did this about five times. Well, when you never fight, and then you do, it leaves a horrible scar for my wife, right? Like we can't even have a fight without you threatening to leave. And I wake up the next morning, I didn't even know why I I did that. It turns out because these core beliefs, if you if you're feeling something, you could track them to their source. So there's a there's a way to track them to the to the source, and so it's not like I remember all these old bad things, you experience negative things, and you could track it from that from a negative feeling, you could literally use that and track it down to its source. So, anyway, I tracked it down to the source with help from the guy who taught me how to do all this, and all of a sudden, in a meditative state, I could see my dad and my mom fighting when I was 18 months old. I was in a crib, my mom was pregnant, I could see her belly, and she's pregnant, like eight months pregnant, nine months pregnant, like she's about to pop. And my older brother, who's uh about five years old, is screaming and crying. And my mom's yelling at my dad, why don't you love me? Why won't you stay? Why won't you? She just keeps repeating to him. And at that moment, I created an old a core belief that an 18-month-year-old kid figured out if you're married and you're in a relationship, that's what happens. When you get in a fight, you leave. And it's a naive way of thinking as an 18-month-old, but that's what happened, and it didn't come out until I got into a fight.
SPEAKER_02Well, until you got into the fight and you didn't realize that you had that. And so we know from from the science that birds, geese, etc., when they're born, they imprint right with their parent quickly. Um, why wouldn't we have imprints too? Yeah, right. You're 18 months old and you see this, you're aware, you're listening. And an 18-month child can sense love, can sense emotion. They can, they might not be able to articulate everything that they're thinking, but they're feeling. Absolutely. Right. And when you're I it's almost like Micah, it's like this movie scene that you see, right? This kid looking at the crib, brother crying, parents arguing, mom's pregnant, so she's totally stressed anyway. Her hormones are going crazy, and she's got two other kids and she's desperate. And and then and you being that place of imprinting that scene without even knowing years later, you're having behaviors based on that scene.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's crazy. It it and we all are being imprinted to use your words, and the uh what I call them is core beliefs, you know, like they they become a belief system. It's it's how we live, it's what we believe is who we are. And you know, like I believed I was dumb. You know, why would I have all these thoughts that I was stupid, that I was dumb if they weren't true? You know, it it was a belief. And the way the subconscious mind is amazing. It's it's the most powerful supercomputer on the planet. And it's like we we drive, we don't even think, right? Like, how many times do you drive home and you don't even think about driving? But were you unsafe? Oh, I was just yeah, but you got home and and you you didn't get yourself in an awkward spot. The subconscious mind is driving for you, like we're driving unconsciously. And the the thing about the subconscious mind is it's designed to keep us safe. It's actually our best friend, right? It's it's the reason why it held on to those childhood memories of mine. It was to keep me safe. It was trying to protect me from another situation where I was going to feel stupid. So it was constantly on high alert. Like, hey, don't put yourself in that situation. You don't want to feel that way again. It was trying to protect me. Right.
SPEAKER_02It was. And and when you're 18 months old, it's trying to protect you emotionally so that you can actually get through and process that moment without yourself freaking out because you couldn't, you could un you could understand the feelings, but you couldn't understand the situation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And so as you're going through all this stuff and you're getting this information, you you're creating core beliefs at a very young age when you don't have the capability to process this information. And so we have all these negative core beliefs that no longer serve at us, that we've outgrown them. You know, when we get into emotional situations, we do our best to comfort ourselves. And this is the subconscious mind's way of doing that. It's like, hey, I understand this, I know what's going on. Now we understand this is the way life is, and we're gonna work with this. And this was a scary, fearful moment. I'm gonna try to protect you from it. And here's why, Chris. This is it was designed to keep us alive. So let's imagine there's a two-year-old little boy walking along the edge of the pool and he falls in. Okay, he's almost drowned, gets water in his lungs, he's freaked out. Somebody comes along, saves him, gets the water out of his lungs, and but he's traumatized. The subconscious mind is designed to remember that. So the next time it sees a pool, it stays away from it. So it you don't fall into that same thing. That's what the subconscious mind is trying to do. The the problem is it's it'll also protect us from things we don't need to be protected from because we're creating some of these situations that we don't understand, and we're creating core beliefs that don't make any sense because I was 18 months when I created that thing. That clearly that was that was not a not a good core belief, right? Clear, clearly, it doesn't serve you exactly.
SPEAKER_02No, it's it's I I love the way you phrase that these core beliefs at one time were designed to protect, but now they don't serve. And more so than that, now they actually not only not serve, now they actually harm and block, right? It's it's moved from just from the being passive to actually being actively actively hindering you. My wife was talking about this recently where she said she's looking for ways to expel things that do not serve her to make room for things that do serve her, as kind of like this new stage in our life. And I I thought that was such a really poetic way to say that, but you just touched on that, where we as humans probably have these as you call it core beliefs, call them imprints, whatever. Some of those imprints serve us well, yeah, but some of them really don't.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. It it just it really depends on on the so on on the situation and the and the understanding that you had in an emotional state. Like so when I go back to an emotional state and I rewrite a core belief, I'm I'm big brother sitting with my former self, right? And I'm giving myself the compassion I needed during that moment. Oh look, mom, she she was struggling so bad. You know, she she was struggling, she was pregnant, her security was leaving, the love of her life was leaving. She was in a horrible place. We need to forgive mom and allow her, you know, some grace here because she, yes, we weren't in a safe place where we were understanding what was going on, but that's not her fault. She was she was in a terrible position. So you you you give yourself that compassion and and and forgive my dad and forgive every part of that situation to where, you know, now all of a sudden it's not that fearful memory that needs to be recorded by the subconscious mind to protect me. It once you move it out of the fear bucket, the subconscious mind will just let it go.
SPEAKER_02Well, let it go. You know what you just said something interesting where like the message. Mechanism, these two promotions are maybe they're maybe Mike, maybe they're choices. You said it was it was forgiveness, you know, and let then love and compassion, right? Where as I'm getting older It was funny, I was mentioning this to a friend of mine. I'm I'm I'm much kinder with my parents um and and my memories of them. So I my folks split when I was five, there was a lot to gobbledygook. Um and and I look back though at my parents at that young because now I'm older than they were when that stuff happened. Perspective. I can be a lot right, I can be a lot more forgiving of them. I can be a lot kinder and gentler to them and acknowledge that you know they made mistakes and stuff like that, but who doesn't? Um and that actually was very that actually was very helpful for me. I I didn't I didn't take the exercise that you did, which is a great idea, of writing down these these these beliefs or these imprints that that we might have. Um when did you start doing that?
SPEAKER_00So I I kind of went through a really bad time because I suffered with anxiety and depression all the way to 45 years old. And I'd achieved everything in life that I wanted.
SPEAKER_02But it it doesn't surprise me that if it that doesn't surprise me, understanding now your severe dyslexia, the embarrassment, the maybe there's self-loathing or there's self-hatred or there's punishment of yourself. Why am I so dumb when I know I'm not dumb? I'm really, really smart, but why is this so challenging for me when it's easy for everybody? Right. And they all think I'm stupid, but I know I'm not, right? I I can imagine that being extraordinarily confusing as your first imprints and all the programming that goes on in your brain during your formative years of teenagehood and young adulthood.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And and you know, the way that society is, it tells us all right, you're gonna be happy when you get this. Or you go to school and you you get a good job, and then you get a house and you move out on your own, and then you find the right woman, and then you have kids, and then you always think that's the next thing.
SPEAKER_02Especially if you especially if you're a man, because I guarantee you, when you were in middle school and you were in high school, no one wanted to hear you talk about your feelings.
SPEAKER_00No, rub some dirt on it, boy, get back in the game, there's no problems. No.
SPEAKER_03Throw that throw some dirt on that wound. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00You can't talk about that stuff. No. Right. Yeah. So I, you know, I I ran into a wall and I kind of I told my boss, and I don't know if he he truly understood the gravity of how much I meant it, but I told him I was going to quiet my mind by any means necessary. And I I meant it. And I I had gone through a rough time at work, and we'd fixed all these problems, and I realized a lot of them, you know, I could blame, find blame in myself. And so when I turned that focus inward, I just went into meditation and I mean meditating for two or three hours a day. I was consuming books on Audible, five to ten a month. Um, I just went on this massive search of information and going inward. And and then I stumbled across the universe handed me Chris Hancock, has been one of the most amazing gifts of my life. He's an energy therapist, but he's a traditional therapist for 15 years, and he had what he calls a deep dark night of the soul, where he was at the at his worst and he had a break. And on the other side of that, he could no longer do traditional therapy and he went into holistic things. And so Chris teaches a lot of the stuff that I've learned, and uh so I go into this, and this is basically all stuff that the Buddhists have been teaching for 2,500 years, right? They they've taught people how to go back, rewrite old core beliefs, whatever phrases you want to use it, but they've they've taught people how to do this, they teach you how to track them down, like all this stuff. Is the is the writing program that I created new? And did I create it? Yes, but it's using all the stuff that the Buddhists have been giving us for for thousands of years. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02But that's actually to me the great the greatest way to learn, right? Is that you understand these concepts and you understand these philosophies that have been around, but you re-write it or re-express it in a way that's meaningful and that you understand. And when you can do that, it means that you're actually learning. Like right, that means that you're learning the material because you're putting it in your own words, right? You're making it work for Mike. Um you know, and the the idea of you know, the Eightfold Path, the idea of understanding, you know, the Bardo, the idea of understanding these Buddhist concepts are, I think that oftentimes overlooked. Um you know, I'm I'm the only one that I know that has read the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, right? Except for that.
SPEAKER_03No, I haven't read that one. Come on.
SPEAKER_00I haven't read that one. No, it's still just you.
SPEAKER_02I guess it's just me. The Tibetan Book of Living is I highly recommend. That sounds awesome, right? Because well, it is, because what it what it what it does is it talks, it's really interesting because it's echoed also, and if if if anyone listens to my show, I've been on this kick about reading Marcus Aurelius and some of the other Stoics. What is interesting is that there is um these commonalities of thinking and of looking at the world. And Aurelius uh was before uh the Buddha. He's about 2500 BCE, Buddha's about 500 BCE, right? Um But the idea is um Marcus Aurelius was saying, well, like when I was a boy and went to a young adulthood or a young man, my boy died. The boy in me died, and I moved on to the young man, right? But but was I sad about that death or that transition? Um, and so you know, in the Buddhist you know, doctrine of living, you know, passing on and maybe being reborn, going to another life and keeping moving up in lives where you get to this place, perhaps you're a bodhisattva, where you can decide that you're gonna come back and be of service, but you're at this really high level, these are just these transitions. And so the idea that it's an end of fear, right? You're there's no reason to fear death because you're moving, you're moving on and you're progressing. Um, for you, when you started to to understand what Chris Hancock was saying, first of all, a couple of things. One, I find it fascinating that Chris Hancock had to go through the wilderness and hit the dark spot to come out the other side, which is Mike. I mean, you know that's the that's the age-old story, right? The hero comes out transformed and then can tell the the tribe, here's what I learned, right? Um what made you choose him? You said the universe gave him that, but clearly you were open. Yeah. So what was that like?
SPEAKER_00So one of the things I learned really quickly when I was meditating, I found chakra meditations, and I I started to be able to feel energy in my body, and I was fascinated with it. And so I remember putting the first uh crystal in my hand, and my hands started vibrating. I was like, whoa, this is pretty cool. And then I did some chakra stuff and I started to feel those energies in my body. I I it was a complete perspective change for me where I realized I'm an energetic being having a human experience, like there's way more going on inside of me than I realized. And if I'm energy, then do I really die? You know, like you hear religion and dogma and all these things. Like, come on now, this is fact. Like, I could feel these energies in my body, and they're doing things. And and so when I had heart, my heart chakra open up, and you know, I I to the point now where I could feel all the energies in my body. I could almost on demand, I could summon them and I could feel them. Um, so wow, you're practicing hard. Yes, I am, and I and I mess with them on a regular basis, it's just become a uh like a daily thing that I do. Um, but in the early stage, the world kind of called to me because it was energy therapy. That's what Chris Hancock called his original work that he was doing at that time. He's he's he's morphed a little bit over the last four years since I've known him. And uh I was called, I wanted to do energy work. Like, okay, energy work, yes, let's go. Because I it was I I was uh very, very interested. I just was immediately pulled to it. There was not any way I wasn't going to to see him. Um he's kind of expensive, and I didn't care. It didn't, he could have charged me a thousand dollars a session, I would have still gone. Um so yeah, that was uh, you know, the universe starts to to speak in uh synchronicities when we quiet our mind. And and that was just one of the the thousands for me as I've been able to quiet my mind.
SPEAKER_02So so tell me about that. A lot of people um have a really hard time. Would you consider this transcendental meditation?
SPEAKER_00Would or so transcendental is a little a little different. So Transcendental is trying to get to a place of no thought, all right? Transcendental is going to a place of nothingness and experiencing the nothingness, but that is so hard to do because immediately we're flooded with thoughts. Um the but single point of focus, you could be surfing and that's meditating. If you got single point of focus on that surfboard and the water and what you're doing, people like they don't realize it, but they could be in their garage working on a on a on an engine. I would call that meditating. If if you're not thinking about anything else in the world except for how to get that engine back to right, and that's your your single point of focus. So I would say anything that is a single point of focus, I would consider meditating. And the more we practice, it's just like if I want to go run a marathon, you know, I'm not I'm not gonna be able to do it today, right? I'm gonna struggle. Like I probably can't even run a around the block, but if I practice and practice, we can get there. And the first three weeks of my program is about this. It's about learning how to take control of your mind and learning how to bring your attention into the present moment because that's the only place we truly ever find peace. You know, when we when we're suffering, it's because our thoughts are messing with us and they're pulling us into the future of some worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, or we're we're dwelling on the misery of the past. And and that brings cortisol and it puts you in the fear bucket. And then now all of a sudden that cortisol is running on keeping you on higher alert, regurgitating the same thoughts, and it just it makes you feel miserable. The cortisol makes you sick, it makes you eat to to get you some dopamine, to stop feeling that like it's just a it just keeps going.
SPEAKER_02It's like right, it's you know, it's so and and what's amazing to we what I what I love when you said about this, Mike, is that you just were breaking down what actually happens as to why people end up feeling and looking and bad and being unhealthy and having bad habits. And oh man, I need to have that drink right now because I need that hit of dopamine because I'm feeling really bummed. And and the human body, and I'm no expert, but from what I've read and understand, the human body seeks homeostasis, right? It seeks this um equilibrium, not just in your physical frame, but also in your brain, right? It seeks this place of saying, okay, I'm not afraid, I'm not in a flight, um, you know, I'm not overly hungry, but I'm not overly satiated either. I'm not, right? I'm I'm in this met this this this this good place. It's very hard for us to get there. Yep. You know, I also think it's very hard for men to get there. You're one of the very few men that have talked about being um, you said you were ha uh an energy having a human experience. So here's what's I thought was so fascinating by what you said. I just spoke to a guy yesterday, Jonathan Aisley. He said, I said, so tell me a little bit about yourself, like the beginning of the show. And he says, I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. And I was like, Oh, let's go, let's let's go, right? That's right because uh right, right, because I think that it is uh very rare for men to disclose these types of feelings, right? And perceptions. I I guess I'll ask you, why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_00You know, the it's the same reason why women, you know, are wearing makeup and doing stuff to their bodies. It's because we're we're told we're only valuable if we're strong. You know, women want the bad guys, so maybe we gotta be a little extra tough. And we're we're putting on a persona of what we think the world wants to get what we want, which is only really truly to be loved and and loved unconditionally, which is rare for a man. You if there's so many conditions on on a man, like you gotta have a job, you gotta you get you can't get you can't be too soft, but you gotta be tough, you know. You gotta you gotta just be all this dynam this whole dynamic of all these things that honestly are bullshit. Like the a true man, in my opinion, is capable of identifying his his feelings, you know, and most men are are are able to do that. I truly believe they are. They just don't know what to do with them. Like, okay, I yeah, I got feelings. Yeah, great. Now, what are we gonna do now? I know about them, but what what do I get to do with them now? And that's why I'm what what do I what am I gonna do with this feeling?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna go punch it.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, because they don't know what to do with it.
SPEAKER_02We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_00Okay, I was asking it. Is it it's heritable from what I understand? It sure is. So I actually have two boys that struggled with it. The first one I wasn't able to protect him, but we did get into schooling, so by the time he got out of high school, he was able to read at a high level. Um, because people understand now, understand dyslexia, yeah, they understand now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so m my uncle suffered from dyslexia, and I think my grandfather did. So my grandfather, um Frederick Gordon Foster, was like old school, like 1940s, 1950s grandfather. Oh, he's tough and like tough, tough dude. Um, and very prideful, very smart. He was probably genius level intellect, um, worked at Kodak um and did um camera work for the spy planes. Oh just crazy, crazy smart guy. But we think he might have been a little bit dyslexic um because he the the reading wasn't his thing. He was really brilliant with finance, he was uh brilliant with math, he understood all that stuff. So his son, my uncle John, was dyslexic um and had huge challenges because this is growing up now in the 40s and the 50s, and nobody knew at all. I mean, heck, when you grew up, they didn't even know that's right, so there was no so there was no support. So he's so he ended up having so many challenges and problems and doubt and anxiety and all this stuff. He ended up being incredibly successful running a general store in Twin Mountain, New Hampshire. It's called Foster's Crossroads. And he, like you, could do all of the math in his head because he was selling everything snowmobiles, renting snowmobiles, oil, ice, snacks. I mean, it was a general store like on the side of the road to get gasoline and and stuff like that. But he had everything in his head, like he knew everything about all this stuff. He could fix anything, build anything, you know. And I was because I mean, I was a young kid that I would go see him, and they were like, Oh, your Uncle Johnny's not that smart, blah, blah, blah, blah. They would kind of dog him a little bit, but but I went up to him and I was just in awe of this guy. I was like, shit, bro, what can't you do? Like, you can you can do everything, right? So much even more than my dad could do with all this stuff. So, um, so I I so to your point is that, and I didn't mean to take that over, but it it is heritable. So, with you knowing that, how did then you prepare for your children and have those conversations with them?
SPEAKER_00You know, it's a so I my my older the the 19-year-old, 20-year-old now, he he was a little more difficult because I didn't know how to truly help him. All I could do is love him and tell him I was the same thing. I be compassionate with him. But once there's a program that's set in, you know, because he redid first grade, once the other kids realized he was older, he redid it. The in comes all the stuff. He went from being the happiest. We called him our love child because he was just so sweet and happy, outgoing, and he just went inward. And so he's coming out of it now. But you know, I didn't know what to do with him. But now I've got so many tools, and this little 10-year-old boy, his dyslexia is way worse than mine or or my other son, and he's kicking his butt, and it's amazing, and it's been the greatest gift. That's great. And so anything that we identify with is a s is going to be a source of pain. So your wife was talking about that earlier, and it got me, you know, my my brain started getting triggered. But I've been able to teach my son, like anything, like you're a Christmas tree, all right? But the problem is you got cut off from nature and brought in the house, and you started putting decorations on you. Every one of those decorations, you now think that's part of you. None of those decorations are you, but every one of them is now a source of pain. So when I when I first showed this to my son, Tucker, the youngest, he came home and he was upset about soccer. The bigger kids were doing this and whatever, and he wasn't as good as them or whatever. And I was like, Tucker, you're attaching yourself, soccer, to your Christmas, your ornaments, and you're putting that on the tree. And now your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from being a good soccer player or any kind of a threat that says you're not a good soccer player, it's going to cause you pain because he was all upset. So simply taught him how to say, Hey, I'm not a good or a bad soccer player. I just play soccer. I'm so much more than a soccer player. And now all of a sudden he just took that off of his Christmas tree and he can go play soccer, whether he wins or loses. He doesn't care, he's just having fun. Because he enjoys it, right?
SPEAKER_02And and that is a beautiful um metaphor. Uh, and and that by putting it as a Christmas tree metaphor, it makes it really um appealing to children, right? That I think that was that was very smart of you. That that was a really that's a really thoughtful uh metaphor.
SPEAKER_00So my my son has become my teacher. Like he has become my teacher. So with his dyslexia, we do the same thing. Like, he's not a good reader or a bad reader, he just reads. And so because he's going through the same stuff I did. But now when he just says he knows, when he starts to get upset, he just gets up, walks away, says that out loud, we're not because he gets embarrassed to say that out loud. He'll go get his mind right, come right back, and now he's just happy. Whether he could read it or not, he doesn't care. And he just emotion the emotions that are involuntary leave the building because they're coming from your subconscious mind trying to protect him. Now they don't they're not trying to protect anything because he's not a good reader or a bad reader.
SPEAKER_02He doesn't he's just a read, he's just a reader, just like just like everybody else, and and he's gonna read his way. Um, I I love that you're taking this and make creating teachable moments for your children.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and they're and they're teachable for me too, because I I learned all this stuff and I I practice them with myself, but as I'm showing it to my son, I got another one for you. So he came up, he comes upstairs one day and he's terrified. You know, the boogeyman's gonna get him. He's seven years old, so this is about almost four years ago now, and he had never done this before. I mean, he is hysterical, he's crying, you know, the boogeyman's gonna get me. Oh my god, he he's just did he actually call it the boogeyman? He's saying monsters in his closet, you know, people are gonna come through his window. Like he he's just right, he is in it, and then nothing really is coherent. And and I said, Tuck, I know what's wrong because I had just started doing a journal, a uh a gratitude journal. And I said, I know what's wrong with you. And he's like, What? And I said, I said, You're in the fear bucket. He said, okay, so how do I fix it? I said, we got to get you out of the fear bucket and get you into the love bucket. And I know how to do it, but you got to play a game with me. He's like, he's still frantic, but like, okay, yeah, I don't want to feel like this. So I said, all you have to do is play a game with me and and I'll help you. It's really easy. All you have to do is say what you're grateful for. And he's he starts going, but yeah, but I don't know how to do that. Tuck, it's real simple. I'll go first. And so I go first. I said, I'm grateful for our house. I love this house. It's amazing. It keeps us safe. And I and I'm I'm grateful for our house. And he said, okay, but I don't know what I'm grateful for. I said, well, what about your cats? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm grateful for Leroy and Nala. And so what happens is there's a chemical in your brain, or there's a switch in your brain, like a light switch. It's it's going to either produce cortisol or oxytocin based off of the content of your thoughts. And when he came upstairs, he was having fearful thoughts, and it was overwhelming cortisol, and just on a reel, he he was not going to get out of that. But if you change your thoughts, the content of your thoughts will, after two minutes of compassionate, loving thoughts, it'll switch over and start producing oxytocin. So as we're going back and forth saying what I'm grateful for and he saying what he's grateful for, after a couple minutes, I realize wait a minute, he's not upset anymore. After five minutes, he's kind of smiling a little bit. After 10 minutes, he's laughing. After 15 minutes, because I was just amazed. I was like, holy moly, this works way better than I thought it did. Because it would make me feel better in the mornings, but it just completely transformed this kid. And after two minutes, it starts producing cortisol. And so he's literally drug-induced happy. After 15 minutes, I said, Tuck, you're good now. Let's now you got to get back in bed. He went back downstairs, got in bed, never heard another word from him, and he went to sleep. And I was like, Wow, my mind was blown.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know what? But that that is the power of the mind. First of all, kudos to you, Dad. Well done, you, for not buying into the emotion and freaking out and and putting more fuel into the fire, right? And and you know, putting gasoline on what was happening in front of you. So A, kudos to you. But B, I think what's really interesting is you just said that he went into a drug-induced happiness, but it's actually our own mind. It's our own chemistry that did that. Um, and and we talked earlier about that homeostasis. Like the mind wants to get the homeostasis. It's just that it doesn't know how because it's all caught up in this stuff. And it's only then when you're caught up in this stuff, you're only looking about the stuff you're caught up in, right? Um so do you um have you shown your children meditation? Are they ready for that?
SPEAKER_00So, you know, my older kids, you know, I uh as I as I got to a place where I'm healing and I'm feeling this amazing transformation in my life, I all I want to do is help everybody. And my biggest lesson I got slapped right in the face with was if you can't help anybody who doesn't want help. So my kids, they don't want no help, I can't give it to them. You know what I mean? I could love them and I I'm still their dad, but my kids are grown. You know, they're I got 30-year-old, you know, 29-year-old, 27.
SPEAKER_02Well, they'll they'll be ready when they're ready.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And so the only one that's really reached out and said, hey, is Tucker. You know, so my youngest one, he still comes to me, and and and whenever he has an issue with the day, he's like, I gotta talk to dad. And he runs his mom out of the room and we chuckle. And I I love that.
SPEAKER_02So so how old is he now? So I thought he was 10. Um, that is such a beautiful and precious age for him actually to be um to have these imprints now of you as dad, but also too, Mike. He's being imprinted upon a model of manhood that's gonna be really different than a lot of other men out there.
SPEAKER_00He's he's gonna be so he's got the gift of math as well. Um, but his dyslexia is way off. Like he's he's you still have a hard time under Tucker. Like he his speech is slowly, but his gift is gonna be emotional intelligence. He's he's got this high range of emotions, but every time he has an emotion, he deals with it. He he he either deals with it himself because he knows how, or he'll come to me and be like, hey, I'm dealing with this, I don't know what to do. And then we'll work through it. I'll give him the tools that I've used, and then he'll he'll deal with it and he listens, and he's and not 100% of the time does he even want to listen, but when he comes to me, he's got an open mind and he'll he could work through any one of the issues and he trusts me. And so that guidance is he's just so far ahead of uh of most everybody that I've ever met in my life, to be honest.
SPEAKER_02Well, you love that, you want your kids to be better than you, right? Um, so you're the only one that I know who's met said that their child is in touch with their feelings enough to say, I've got these feelings and I don't quite know how to deal with them. I I have I gotta tell you, if we could have had those conversations with our teenagers or people out there and men especially, fathers could have that conversation with their boy teenagers who are feeling all these emotions and want to jump in a car and drive fast or want to hit somebody or want to do something stupid, like stupid kids being stupid. For them to stop and say, I've got all these feelings and I don't quite know what to do with them. Can you help me process and talk about these feelings? That is astonishing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's amazing. You know, and so I refer back to my my program for a second. Like in the first three weeks, I teach people how to just take manual control of their brain. Because when all those emotions get going, you if you if you engage with them, which is how the brain's supposed to be working, the thinking mind, when you engage with it, it's an amazing tool that could do amazing things. But when it just runs amok, now it's causing pain and destruction and all that stuff. So when when the emotions come, the negative emotions come, the ability to detach, catch it before on the rise and go, wait a minute, I don't need this, and be able to detach. I teach people how to detach, give them tools like box breathing and gratitude journals, and and just going outside and and stopping and smelling the roses, just closing your eyes for a minute and trying to identify as many smells as you can. What that it does several things, but it quiets the noise in your head, it turns off the cortisol, starts producing oxytocin, but it also brings 100% of your attention into the present moment by using your senses. And now all of a sudden, you could separate from what you would said a second ago, that kid that wants to rage and go punch the wall or go drive fast or do something silly. That emotion has already got a hold of them. Eckhart Toll calls that the pain bottom. Right. If we could detach from those emotions before it takes control over us, once it's taken control of us, you got to let it all run its course and because there's nothing you're gonna talk any, you can't talk somebody down. But with practice, you could catch it before it ever starts to take hold. And box breathing is is by far the most powerful tool that anybody can use. If you're having a hard time managing your emotions, as you start to feel emotions or if you're feeling frustrated, start practicing. Inhale your inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and then hold again. It's just like a box with your breath. Inhale, exhale. Got it. And as your system will all calm down, and you're gonna let your system know, wait a minute, whatever emotion is going on, you're not in control. I am. The true self is in control of this situation, and we're not gonna get all crazy here. And after two minutes, you'll be so calm that that emotion is just gonna go away if you could catch it early enough before it it takes a hold. And the repetition of that is extremely powerful. Um, I'll tell you a quick story about the Navy SEALs, which created that box breathing technique. And I know the Buddhists use a form of that as well. But I didn't know, I didn't know the Navy SEALs uh formalized the box breathing. That's it's actually called Navy SEALs box breathing. Um, and the the most amazing thing about it, you know, these guys that get through the Navy SEALs, they're most amazing people on the planet. And they're they're they're big, they're small, there's they're skinny, they're muscled up. Like there is no common commonalities with them. The Navy SEALs needed more Navy SEALs to do things in the world, right? They wanted to go recruit more. And so they interviewed everyone that had ever made it through the program because it's it's like a two and a half percent success rate. 300 people show up and only six or seven get through. They found only two things that they all have in common compassion for your fellow man and mastering the breath work that they teach you. And the reason why both of these things are so powerful is because if you and I, Chris, are in day 10 of this and we haven't slept, they're work they're run, they're working us out 10 hours a day, they're halfway through our meals, they're kicking our meals out, we're miserable, right? And we're sore. If if we're running and we became friends in this process, right? And we're running, and you say you're gonna quit, you're tired of this, you can't do it no more. If I'm running alongside with you and I'm like, no, Chris, if you I will carry you across the finish line, my compassion for you will turn off my negative thoughts that are telling me to quit, and I'm just gonna keep running. So compassion for you is going to turn my brain off and keep me going. So compassion is one thing that will push somebody to that finish line. Because if our brain tells us to quit, we're gonna quit. Mastering the breath work will also quiet your mind and you'll just keep going. And so those two things, when you calm the voices in your head, because if face it, if if we say if we're in something miserable like that and we want to make it to the finish line, if the voices in our head are telling us to quit, it's not gonna be long before we quit. So being able to quiet that, and then the body will just keep running. The body could do amazing things, it's the mind that's gonna stop us, and that's what you know, all the Navy SEALs all have in common. They have the that that inner strength to quiet that mind and just keep going despite all the fear that's around them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, it's a really interesting um uh definition of strength. Yeah. Right? It's a really interesting definition of of men's strength. So it's not you know you know, the the toughness or the push it all down and you know, stiff upper lip. And it's actually the strength to quiet your mind. Yes. So that even you know, that you know, trauma that happens to you then doesn't manifest and haunt itself, haunt you later. I spoke with a a brilliant man, uh Rand, um, and he had a really traumatic upbringing in real deep poverty when he was younger. Um, and then to get out of poverty, he went into the Marine Corps, and this was in 1966. So he went into Vietnam and was a combat uh soldier, and you know, for years and years and years just stuffed all that stuff down. Um, but it but it came out when he started to drink a lot and uh the challenge, right? He never he never just got to the place where he could quiet the mind. And I think that what I'm so impressed about you, Mike, is that you were you were able to start mastering your own mind, and you found the tools that you needed to master your own mind. Of course, now then you can use those tools to help others. That's the goal, and you're starting with your boy, which is where you start with, right? I um I I'm just so impressed. I'm so impressed.
SPEAKER_00Very kind, kind words. Uh you know, I've learned to take every experience, including this one, I'm learning from you as as we sit here. You're highly intelligent, you you know far more about Buddhism than I do. Um I don't think so. But it's just every if if we can get ourselves in into that state, everything becomes our teacher. You know, the universe will start to speak to you, you know, when everything gets quiet. You know, they got if you let it if you let it. You know, Albert Einstein and Nikolai Tesla, all of their inventions came to them at night when they were asleep. When the mind was off, when the mind was quiet. And then they would wake up and have the idea there, but they went to sleep with the intention and they woke up with this idea. They both have accounts of them developing these amazing things. When the mind is quiet, that's when our everything works at its highest capacity. That's when we are at our at our optimum, uh, just like the Navy SEALs, when we're able to quiet it down to the true self and then just react in the moment. We're infinitely more intelligent than we think we are. We just we try to figure it all out instead of just being here in this moment and reacting. And we don't have to think. You could go for hours and never think about anything if you're able to keep yourself in the moment.
SPEAKER_02It's very difficult, but very difficult to do that. You know, when you're when you see professional athletes, um you know, like Michael Jordan, he talked about being in the zone. Yes. Um, I had the privilege and pleasure of attending one professional basketball game in my whole life, and it was a Bulls Lake old Bulls Lake. That's a good one, like right, like in Chicago. Like it was crazy. Um, my friend's dad got easy tickets, and we were at the top, top, top row looking all the way down. And if I was an alien and I knew nothing about anything, and I was looking at this game, I could see Michael Jordan was different than everybody else. He just was physically on the court, moving around, his spatial awareness. It looked to your just phrase, Michael, he was not thinking.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's quoted he wasn't thinking he's quoted as saying he never cared if he missed a shot. Who does that? Like nobody, nobody thinks that way. He he was quoted as saying, I I didn't care if I missed, I was just gonna take the next shot. I didn't care if I missed. And that's the attitude we had. It's like my son, he doesn't care if he's a good reader or a bad reader. When you get in that state of mind, everything, the infinite intelligence of the universe comes through you, and now all of a sudden you could do things like that. Kobe Bryant, he scored 81 points in three quarters in an NBA basketball game, and they're interviewing him after it. He didn't remember any of it because he wasn't thinking. He was out of his mind.
SPEAKER_02He wasn't thinking, you know, actually, you know, it's so funny you say that where you let the universe work through you, right? The um, and you just said it earlier in our conversation where you're an energy being that's having a human experience. There are so many things out there that we have a hard time putting words to. Um, right, the Lao Tzu would call it the Tao, right? Right, the this thing where uh Marcus Aurelius calls it the logos, yeah, right? The the the thing that flows that flows through if you if you pay attention or maybe if you don't pay it at the end of the way.
SPEAKER_00The not paying attention is just to settle into it and just do nothing. Because I I love it. So like Chris, I I have had it been flowing through me. All right. So I've been it it happens to me quite a bit now, especially in energy uh sessions where I'm working with somebody doing core belief sessions with them, right? And for the last it started happening to me about a year, year and a half ago, and I'd be sitting across from somebody and my heart chalk is opening up, and I'm just kind of giving myself to the situation, trying not to think, not let my ego get into what I would call a therapy session, right? Helping somebody with something. But my biggest issue that I've always had is my my ego get in the middle of it and it it makes it awkward or weird or whatever. And so if I just relax and go into nothing, it's just beautiful. I'm just existing. There is nothing else. I I don't need to be good at this. I I'm just here. And now all of a sudden, words are coming out of my mouth, and I have no idea what I'm saying. And it's exactly what they need to hear. And I'm like, I I have no, I I don't even know why I said any of that stuff. And they're going, I can't believe you just said that. That and I'm basically picking them apart, and it's not me doing it. You know, uh, what's the one of the most famous uh producers? Oh, his name just slips my tongue, but he wrote a book about it's called The Creative Act, and he he's one of the most famous record producers of all time, and he he uh produced Runde MC in his apartment when he was in college, and he's been he every major musician on the planet, he's worked with him, and uh he basically he got inspired and he learned how to do what I'm talking about. He'd get himself in a place of no mind, and the music would just flow through him, and it still does. He's able to get himself in that free-flowing state where stuff just flows through him, and it's it's the universe, you know.
SPEAKER_02It's it's just it's the state of flow, right? That's um, that's beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. So, so Michael, this Mike, this has been wonderful. Um, thank you so much for sharing all of this with us and with me. Absolutely. I I appreciate you taking the time and being patient while we figured out the schedule. Um, so one last question I ask all my my guests. Who is someone that you know that I don't know, but that I should know?
SPEAKER_00Um I'm gonna say yours.
SPEAKER_02Sounds like Chris Hancock.
SPEAKER_00Chris Hancock is being but you know, my my my honest answer is yourself. Oh, I love it. Yeah, the answer is you. Like you there's nobody else you need to know but you, and we didn't none of us know. Like, I did not have a clue who I was. I'm far more infinitely smarter, more powerful, more loving, more compassionate than I ever knew. And I'm I and I'm figuring that out, and and and when I look around, uh that that's that's the person we all need to get to know. That's beautiful.
SPEAKER_02Mike Wood, you're amazing.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you're kind. Thank you. This I really enjoyed the conversation. You you're a very easy person to talk to. This has been fun.
SPEAKER_02Oh, likewise, you're the easiest. All right, have a great evening. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. Take care.
SPEAKER_02Bye bye. Well, oh my stars, Mike Wood. Wow, what a fantastic conversation. What an incredible man. Being able to tap into his own energy, to understand his own chakras and understand where they are and where he might draw energy from in certain situations, to have the presence of consciousness and mind to meditate deeply, to apply, you know, even the knowledge to box breathe, to move your brain from one side to the other, to create that homeostasis. All that awareness, all that thought going into how he's living a life and managing his emotions and thinking about his emotions. And I love it that he wrote down the 180 plus imprints that he had to rewrite and to think about how he wanted to rethink those memories. And of course, applying some of what he's learned to his children. It's astonishing. So, what did we learn from Mike? Well, I learned that I can do a much better job of naming my feelings, understanding my imprints, and practicing in ways to calm my mind and let the universe kind of flow through me. If anyone's ever read the Iliad, that's what Homer says in the opening stanzas. Muse sings through me. Can you let the universe flow through you? Can you be aware enough to find that presence flowing through you so you act in accordance not only with the universe but your truest self? I challenge you to do that. Well, I hope you enjoyed the conversation. I hope you visit menfolkjourneys.com, book a conversation. I'd love to have one with you so we can learn about your story too. Thank you so much for listening. We're Adbidfalared.
